Friday, April 30, 2010
Oncologist appointment....
Man...how do I express how I feel? I will TRY to keep this somewhat positive because thats what I do, but I may struggle here and there. If you've been close to someone and been a part of their appointments you will understand. For you that haven't...I will try to explain the emotions. I was told that this would be the second worst appointment from the initial diagnosis and she was right. (Love ya Sue for all of your support and knowledge and "f*ck it we WILL get through this" knowledge!) Thank you for everyones support for that matter! Okay...to know pretty much what your up against is one thing, but to hear it as facts is completely different. Can't explain it and mom asked what was different for me that I didn't know going in...I can't explain. To hear the details of your situation and have it fine tooth combed is total reality. Waves of emotions that I have NEVER felt before...not even close. To hear a possible "timeline" of your life and percentages due to studies, freaks ya out when it's coming from a doctor. Anyhoo....Tuesday I have an ECHO test on my heart. Wednesday I go to the surgical center to have the port put in, then patient education that afternoon on upcoming treatments. Wednesday night I will have my hair cut for Locks of Love and Friday I have lab and then my first chemo session. They prescribed anti nausia meds, but told me to try not to take them because they will raise my blood sugar levels. Not sure what may be worse...being sick alot or hearing that taking the pills pretty much knocks you completely out of commission. I don't want to come across as "Debbie Downer"...just need this night to be a whirlwind of emotions and wake up tomorrow kicking a**!!! Have a GREAT weekend and I will post again soon!! As my dad said "just don't lose that beautiful smile" and you know what...I won't! :) Mom...thanks for being my rock and Danny...you keep my smile going and make me feel amazing everyday!
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Lori. You are ALLOWED to have those emotions. You are allowed to go home and scream and cry and throw shit around if you want. Get it out....get pissed off and let it trigger that FIGHT in you! You've got it, we all know that! Now let it kick in! I love you!
ReplyDeleteLori, Missy said it best. Get mad, get fighting, be as healthy as you can be. I went through these appointments with my best friend, Kristy several years ago. Hardest thing I ever did. It is awful to ask those difficult questions and hear the even more difficult answers. I honestly think the only way to get through this experience is to lean on the Lord, trust Him in all things and rely not on your own understanding. My Kristy used to say....God answers all prayers...just now always the way you wanted. Sometimes He says yes, and sometimes He says no. Accept that this whole situation is out of your hands and is in His. If you are a control freak like Kristy was (and I am), the hard thing to do is to surrender that control. All you can do is keep a positive, kick ass attitude and go with the flow. Live life to the fullest. I am praying for you, your family and your doctors.
ReplyDeleteWendy
Thank you for posting this...I read it over three or more times, wanting to say something here but all I could think of was "thank you". Thank you for being truthful, it was not "Debbie Downer" but "Lori's real trials". Anita (your Mother's friend at work)
ReplyDeleteHey Sista~ Like I said before "Your life sucks right now!" With that said when your down you can only go one way "UP"! DUH! You need to be truthful to yourself and others! No coverin up! If it flippin hurts! It hurts! Anyway, we need to get this chemo show on the road. Jeff, Ry and I need ya back at your desk! LOL! Plus Jon is awful sad standing at his mic and no one to sing too! Love YA! Sue
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