Happy Tuesday! Yes...I can say that NOW, but if you asked me last night if I'd be saying that I wouldn't have been so cheerful.
I told my mom that I would not sugar coat this entry. I know it's been awhile and I got through treatment without vomitting once which I am sssooooo thankful for!!! :)
It was a bit more rough 2nd time around and I have to say that I am still feeling wooped/tired/sluggish, but HEY....I did NOT vommit! Yay!!! :)
Now....as for last night. I went through the worst part of this journey that I myself (not speaking for other cancer SURVIVORS) have experienced thus far. Mom and Kevin stopped over to visit and when they left, I took a shower. Up to this point my hair has been slowly falling out, but last night was the last of holding onto something I could not hold onto anymore. You think "oooohhhh.....it's just hair." Your right if you haven't gone through it and I am by no means knocking anyone for saying it to make others feel better, but it is not just hair...it is alot of who you are. I stood there in the shower and just bawled as it fell to the drain. I called mom and Kevin and asked them to bring their clippers over. Mom put a chair in the kitchen and did you know that Kevin was an fantastic beautician? Anyway...Kevin buzzed it and mom rubbed my back while I held a towel to my face and just bawled. Vain or not...you cannot even imagine unless you've gone through it. Luckily I have a nice round head and as they said "you look like GI Jane!!" Woo hoo...I always wanted to look like a badass!!!! I'm now sporting baseball caps until I "want" to work with my wig. Just not ready for it yet for some reason and I can't explain why.
Today I am good. A bit sad deep down, but I feel like a weight has been lifted. A weight that I knew was going to happen, but was in denial. So I now push forward AS ALWAYS, dry my tears and enjoy the....can't say sun today, but enjoy Tuesday!!!! Hope all of you do as well!! :)
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Go ahead and be mad, be sad. No woman would choose to lose her hair!It's tough. I know cancer survivors who chose not to do the wigs....they said they were hot and itchy, especially in the hot summer. Go ahead and throw yourself a Hat Party. Invite everyone you know. You'll get such a fun variety of hats!
ReplyDeleteTrust me, you don't need hair to be beautiful. I can't say I understand how you feel, I don't. But I know Lori, and Lori's hair. It's ok to be mad, upset, pissed, it's competely normal. Cry all you want, it doesn't mean you aren't strong. Completely the opposite. So, I say cry, and if anyone has a problem with it, they know where to find me. Love you "little" sis.
ReplyDeleteI like what both wlee and ISURchmnd said up there! After talking to your Mom, I just ached for you as she does! Tears came to her eyes talking about the "ordeal" and what an "ordeal" it was. I am so glad your Mom and Kevin could help you out with this tragic event - I am sure it meant a lot to them to help you. Your Mom also said you really look good in ball caps!
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautiful Lori, hair or no hair, inside and out you are one of them most beautiful and amazing people I have crossed paths with in my life! My little sis preferred her scarves over her wigs or baseball caps :) I know you will look gorgeous whatever you decide to wear on your nice round head :) Cry when you need to and let those around you pick you back up, that's what all the support is for!!!
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